thestoryofsarah

January 1, 2012

Week 4: Cheers to 2012!

Filed under: Life — by Sarah H @ 5:59 am
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Well, here on the East coast, it is officially 2012. So Happy New Year! And to those that have not yet rung in the year, come re-read this in a few hours. 🙂

I’ve been without phone or internet since Tuesday, I went on that family vacation to the mountains in North Carolina I previously mentioned. It was fantastic, and so refreshing to be without technology for awhile. We got to play in the snow, I went sledding for the first time, and almost took out a 7 year old in the process. Don’t worry, no children were hurt in the making of my first sledding experience. P and I drove 12 hours to get back in 1 day today.

So what am I still doing up? Packing of course! It makes me a little sad to see my room slowly getting larger as everything I possess is packed into boxes and trash bags(minus the things that were stolen from my storage unit…check out my last post for that story). Tomorrow P and I will officially be living together! I’m taking the plunge and finally living with the man I love. I’m very excited about this next step, and to start 2012 out this way. If you’ve read my blog before, you know that 2011 just hasn’t been my year. Bad things just seem to keep happening, so 2012 has to be better. So, I’m very excited to start 2012. I’m excited to get a clean slate, and to move on! So HAPPY NEW YEAR person reading my blog! I hope 2012 is as good to you as I hope it’s going to be to me! You’ll be able to read about it as I continue the 52 week challenge!

Oh! I almost forgot, my new year’s resolution! I resolve to floss everyday and go to the gym at least once a week! I figure those are easy enough! I’ll let you know how they go!

December 16, 2011

Week 2: Random thoughts that cross my mind…

Filed under: Me — by Sarah H @ 3:29 pm
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So, first thing’s first: WE GOT THE APARTMENT!! We’re signing the lease tomorrow and will be moving in January 1st! I’m so excited to start this new part of my life, but can’t help but be a little nervous. What if P discovers he actually can’t stand to be around me? What if something happens and 1 of us is unable to work? What if a hurricane/tornado/earthquake/tsunami/etc comes?!?! Ok, so I’m a little bit of a worrier…

I think it’s the control freak in me, I hate the unknown. You should see my planner, it’s color coded and planned to every second of my life, This definitely eases my anxiety about the unknown. (Side note: I’ve always wanted someone to throw me a surprise party, but with my inability to give up control of things, noone has ever had the ability because I end up planning something for my birthday before anyone has time to plan anything for me.)

But, the real point of my blog today, is little things/thoughts that cross my mind, that I think of for blog posts, but don’t think I have enough to write about to make it a full fledged post. I’ve seen a few other bloggers do this, so I’ve been inspired.

1. I think it would be so romantic to be someone’s one-that-got-away: I don’t know, maybe it’s all the romantic comedies I watched growing up, but there’s something about knowing that in the end, you were the good one and someone let you go that I find very tragic and romantic…though, now that I read that back, maybe it’s more vindictive and self satisfying than romantic…

2. You have to let go of who you were, to discover who you are: Oh, this one is DEEEEP! I tried writing a blog about the person I used to be vs the person I am now, but it got very rambly and I felt like I really didn’t have much of a body or point. I like this thought though, in order to grow, you have to let go of who you used to be. I used to be very spoiled and selfish, and it took really hurting someone who didn’t deserve it to change me to the type of person I am today. I grew, because I forgave myself for being young, and stupid, and selfish. I’m not proud of the type of person I used to be, but without that experience, who’s to say I’d be who I am today?

3. By the time I get my bachelors degree, there are people who I went to high school with who will be getting their doctorate: This one just depresses me. I wish I had a time machine and could go back in time and slap 18/19/20 year old Sarah and tell her  “Just get it done! Just go to school! Stop wasting time and money!!!”. I can’t go back though, and regretting it doesn’t make it go away. I just have to stick with it and get it done this time around!

Those are the ones for now, I know there are more, but I can’t seem to think of them at this time. What do you think? Are any of those snippets worth writing a whole post about? Tell me in the comments!(Ok, so I saw this on someone’s blog, apparently, if you put the word comment in your blog, you’re more likely to get comments…who knew? And also, who studies this stuff??)

Thanks for reading! Shout out to Robert for being my 1 religious reader! Really appreciate it and your comments!

December 9, 2011

Week 1: Best week of the year?

Filed under: family,Life — by Sarah H @ 10:54 pm
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Here is the start of my 52 week commitment! I plan to write 1 blog a week for 52 weeks! I’d love to hear suggestions in the comments on things I can write about, but I decided to start it off positive. I just may be having the best week of my year.

Why, you ask?

Well, I got my grades for this semester (Not only did I get a 100 on my final for English, I’m ending the semester with 3 A’s and 1 B)! This is such a great thing, because for a few years, I had really given up on school and trying to succeed in school. I stopped being scared of failing and put my all into this semester. I officially have my Associate of the Arts degree and will be continuing to my Bachelor’s degree starting in the spring! Next great thing? Well, I don’t want to jinx it, but the owner of the condo P and I are looking at renting LOVES us! It’s looking very good that we will be moving into the condo January 1st. We’ll find out officially sometime next week. I can’t help but feel good that, though I’ve only talked to him on the phone, he thinks P and I will be perfect tenants. I can’t help but get excited over this prospect and really hope it works out for us! So far, this week has been pretty darn fantastic, and with the way I feel the rest of the year has been, it’s nice to have such positive things happening lately. I’m also done with school for a whole month! I’m actually a little antsy thinking about all the time I’m going to have on my hands now that I’m only working for 4 week, and not going to school…I guess I’ll catch up on TV or read a book.

I’m taking 9 days off in 2 weeks! I haven’t had that much time off since 2005! I’m taking this time off to go on a family vacation, something I haven’t done since 2007! We’re going up to North Carolina to play in the snow! Haven’t seen snow since I was 10, so this trip is very exciting to me.

So maybe, just maybe, December will end up being the best month of the year, which will hopefully lead to 2012 being a better year! What do you think? Do you have a best month, or week, of the year?

 

November 7, 2011

End of a Relationship

I think the hardest thing to give up on in life is a relationship. I’m not just talking about a romantic relationship, I mean a work relationship, friendship, any type of relationship where you have interaction with another human being who is a major part of your life. I am recently trying to deal with the end of a very important friendship, and no matter how hard I try to pound it into my head, I just can’t bring myself to admit it’s over.

We have been best friends for years, we’ve been through so much together, and suddenly, it’s over. This friend has been there for me through break ups, and I for them. This friend has laughed with me on the long drives home from high school years ago, and even though I moved away, we still had a bond, and a friendship, that I thought couldn’t be broken. Even through the multiple relationships we’ve both been in in the last 8 years, since we became friends, we’ve always been there for each other. I don’t know what changed.

I’ve tried multiple times to reach out to this friend recently, to no avail. All I can keep thinking is, did I do something wrong? We haven’t had a huge fight, there was no falling out, our friendship just stopped. And you know what really sucks? Knowing that you care about a relationship more than the other person. Knowing that no matter how hard you try to maintain a friendship there’s nothing you can do. And I don’t like giving up, but I think I really need to. All this “friendship” does is hurt my feelings and drive me crazy. Sometimes, you have to give up on something. And that doesn’t make me a quitter, it makes me realistic. And as much as it hurts, I have officially given up on my best friend. And it does hurt, and it makes me want to cry, but I’ll move on. Just like in a break up, it’ll suck, and I’ll miss him, but I know I’m better off not wasting my time and energy on someone who doesn’t value me as much as I value them.

September 14, 2011

Love at First Sight

Filed under: family,Love — by Sarah H @ 1:35 pm
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I apologize to my 1 reader that I’ve been gone for almost a month. School started and that combined with work, I just got really busy. I had to write an essay on a life changing experience this week for my English class, so I decided this would be the perfect place to showcase it. Let me know what you think:

Love at First Sight

            There’s nothing in the world that can affect you like love. Many people wait their whole lives to finally feel it, to find someone that changes everything, that changes the way they see the world. Someone that makes them a better person, or at least makes them want to be a better person. Someone that gives them a reason to smile everyday and see the world in a new light. I was lucky enough to find this love at fifteen. He was 7 pounds, 12 ounces, and the day he was born, my whole world changed. He’s my little brother, and in the 8 years since he was born, he’s become my best friend.

I can’t say that I was always thrilled with the new addition to our family. Like most other fifteen year old girls, I was too wrapped up in the current high school gossip and my own life to worry about what was going on with anyone else. I remember the day my parents sat my other brother, Zachary, who was nine at the time, and I down to tell us the news. Our parents would often joke about a new baby being on the way, so when the words, “You’re going to have a baby brother or sister” first came out of my mother’s mouth, neither Zachary nor I believed her. “No, really,” Zachary asked, “What’s the surprise?”, “Yeah, is it a puppy?” I wondered. “We’re serious this time, your mother is pregnant.” When those words left my father’s mouth, neither Zachary nor I knew what to say. They showed us the pregnancy test. They weren’t joking. We were really going to have a new sibling.

The next nine months, I helped my mom get things ready. We found out she was having a boy. I went to the baby showers with my mother and helped in any way I could. I had become a big sister before when my mother was pregnant with Zachary, but that had been when I was five, so I really wasn’t much help. I was now old enough to understand everything that was going on. On February 10, 2003, my parents let me skip school and my mother was induced into labor. I went with them to the hospital and was in the room for the birth of my new baby brother.

Being there for the birth of my new sibling was the most emotional thing I have ever experienced. Joshua Steven Hersman was born at 5:32 pm and was immediately whisked away to NICU due to having fluid in his lungs. I cried for hours. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t control the tears. I was both happy and worried, this beautiful baby boy had just been born and then taken so fast that we couldn’t touch or see him but only for a minute. We stayed by the NICU nursery windows and watched as they took care of him. He was so tiny and fragile. I was worried about his well being. For the first time in my life, I had fallen in love at first site. Though I had never met, or held, this small baby boy, I knew I loved him more than anything in the world. He was released from NICU later that night and from the hospital a few days later. I was finally able to hold this precious little boy. He was this perfect little person, and he was my little brother. I loved showing him off to all my friends, like a living baby doll.

As Joshua got older, I found him looking up to me as a role model. For the first time, the things I did and the decisions I made really affected someone else. He wanted to mimic me, to be just like me. I was his cool big sister, someone that he could trust and could do no wrong. I realized that I needed to stop being a selfish little girl and grow up into the sister that Joshua deserved.

He is now 8 years old and my best friend. I volunteer in his class room every year, and he tells me all about his day and things he’s learning. He’s constantly teaching me new things and he still thinks I’m the coolest person in the world. I know the day will come when Joshua no longer wants to hang out with his big sister, and no longer thinks I’m the coolest person he knows, but until that day, I will cherish every moment I spend with my little brother. He makes me a better person, and completely changed my life for the better. He’s the best gift I’ve ever received.

July 2, 2011

Protected: Silly Non-Love Songs

Filed under: Growing Up,Love — by Sarah H @ 2:20 pm
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June 20, 2011

Judgement

Filed under: Judgement,Life — by Sarah H @ 10:28 pm
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I try not to think about it, but I think I’m judgmental. I watch people and the decisions they make and I judge them. And I think how I would do things differently. And I think about how I’m better for my choices. And then I stop, and I realize I’m doing it and it makes me upset at myself. Who am I to say that someone else’s life decisions aren’t correct? Lord knows I’ve made a ton of mistakes, made the wrong decision a time or 2. The worst part is, I don’t only do this about strangers, I do this about friends. And it makes me sick. Who am I to judge? I wish I didn’t do this. A lot of the time, I like to convince myself that it’s in their best interest. I like to tell myself that the reason I think these things is because I know what’s best. But I don’t. Again, who am I to think that I know anything more than anyone else. Starting today, I am going to make a conscious effort to stop judging. Until I walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, how should I know what is really going on and if maybe, just because I wouldn’t make the same choice, doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

June 17, 2011

Creativity

Filed under: Creativity,Poetry — by Sarah H @ 3:40 pm
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I used to write a lot. I would have a line of poetry floating in my head and it would swirl and swirl until I just had to write it down. And I would keep writing until I had a poem in front of me. Something that had taken life on paper and become a finished product.  I also used to paint. I was never very good, but when I was very upset about something, I would get the urge to paint. So I would, and by the time I was finished, I felt better and usually couldn’t even remember what I was upset about to begin with. I can’t really pinpoint when I stopped getting these creative bursts, but I miss them. That’s a big reason I decided to begin a blog. I’m hoping that by writing more regularly about my everyday life, I’ll get the urge to write creatively again or at least bring back some of the creativity I miss so much.

I went through and read my whole LiveJournal from high school the other night. It made me laugh to read all the things that were so important when I was 16, it’s funny to think about how much I’ve changed. It did make me miss a lot of things. How close and accessible everyone was in high school, all your best friends being within 5 minutes of you. How simple everything in my life was(This is definitely decided in retrospect. At the time, I felt everyday there was a new crisis. I was a very dramatic teenager). This is often where I would write down my poetry, I went through and read all the poems I wrote then. Granted, not all of them are winners, but there were a few that I couldn’t believe I had written them. I will leave you with one of my favorite poems that I have written. Hopefully, this whole blogging thing will get me writing or painting again.

Masks

I wear a mask of courage, I wear a mask of hope,

I wear all of these masks, so that I will stay afloat.

Floating in a sea of darkness, I feel that I will drown,

So the mask I wear the most, is the one without a frown.

Some people, they don’t like me, but I know they wear masks too,

Everyone has their masks. Everyone, even you.

So now the mask will come off, the mask that hides my pain,

And you will see something that I will try to explain.

For you see, I know not who I am, only what others want me to be,

So no more masks to hide my face, from now on I will be me.

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